fire and rain

I worked for a straight 4-hours yesterday on producing a comprehensive 2012 spending report for one of my larger clients. As I worked, I didn’t notice time and the world around me, since I was completely in the zone. I love the feeling of being in the zone.

Before I started my endeavor of managing money, I spent some time thinking about what the ideal profession for me would likely to be. I thought, “I like money, I like counting money and I like to work on my own personal finances and investments. Why don’t I do it professionally? If that’s what I like to do, then it won’t feel like a job, it would be part of my life. And I can do it till my old age.” Here I am 6 years later. Sometimes I still feel the same way, such as a day like this; but sometimes I wonder where my passion has gone. If managing money is my true calling, I won’t be sitting here writing a blog about finding one’s passion and motivation. But worse still, my hubby had requested the same report (since last year this time) for our own finance, and I have not done so. In fact, I’m doing the very minimum of maintaining our own family finance, such as just getting the bills paid on-time. Even with my own 401K, after selecting the funds from 5000+ that were made available to us financial professionals two or three years ago, I have not gone back to review and re-evaluate them. I conduct reviews for my clients because it’s my job, but I’m not treating myself equally. This is like an aesthetician who doesn’t take care of her own face, or a fashion designer who does care about his or her own image. Why am I like this I don’t know. Do I need to rekindle my passion? But that would be wrong, because I still love many aspects of the job: I love the intellectual stimulation; I love the feeling of understanding the world through the real lives of the families I work with; and I love being the person others trust and rely on. Maybe I just don’t like to do the same thing at work and at home? No, that’s not right either. Maybe it’s just simple laziness.

If I’m really honest with myself, I have to say that there are two things about the job that irritate me, and from time to time they overshadow the love and passionate I felt about the job. There is however no point of changing professional field, as I know whatever intrigues me would at the same time has some qualities that would annoy me. So the real question becomes, “How to keep the fire burning when it is pouring rain?”

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