I was angry today. It was triggered by something trivial at work. The trivialness of the matter made me even more angry, mostly at myself. Why do I keep letting small things bother me? On the other hand, why do I always have to be the bigger person? In fact, I could relate with people well, and most of the time I understand and empathize with others’ struggle. That is, if I was the bystander. If I was in the crossfire, surely I could not be so understanding.
But I was mad mainly because I realized that I still let those trivial things influence my mood, for hours and hours at a time. There was no logical reason to explain why I should feel the continued anger. The triggering event was not even worth mentioning. And yet that feeling just would not go away!
I had to hide that anger inside me, for it would not be fair to take it out on my loved ones, or random strangers such as the service people behind the counter. I tried to dive into a novel, but when I came up for air, the feeling was still there.
Yes, my life is good and I cannot complain. I even feel guilty when I’m in a bad mood, for I shall not be ungrateful. But I desperately need a distraction, something that could completely take over my mind, my life, and fill it with passionate activities, so that I would have no time to feel this sort of nonsense.