This was the second piece I finished yesterday. I felt relieved and light-hearted because it was finally out of me.
I also had a fun evening last night, a girls’ night out with four other women. We laughed so much, on stupid topics, which were mostly provided by me. I had a great time. It was a dose of female camaraderie that I desperately needed. But as soon as I was in the car driving home alone, I was back to my solitude melancholic self.
A friend of mine told me today that she thought I was very productive with my time. I guess people do perceive me as energetic, funny and productive, so totally opposite from how I see myself. I remember another good friend of mine used to tell me that he was always “happy but unsatisfied”. I think I now can finally appreciate and understand his sentiment. I am happy. I am very content with my life as a whole. But there is something missing. I don’t know what that is. And therefore I’m not quite satisfied, and I’m continuously searching for it. Even after I exhausted myself on multitude of activities, I’m still searching.