This morning I was still wide awake at 1 am, when I checked my email and saw an exuberant and long note from a friend. She had bought a rural property in March, and was in high spirits about working on cleaning up the land, learning the agriculture codes and renovating the various sized cottages. What struck me most was the tone of her email. She seemed SO happy, and her happiness and love for life seemed to jump out of the screen. It was infectious. I felt happy and exuberant too for a moment. But I was also ashamed. For I have been in this gloomy mood lately. The point is – I have the free will to be happy, as happy as my friend working in her new farm. I have allowed myself to give up, to pity myself and to find excuses, so I could continue to stay melancholy. I should feel happy by working on my painting or my novel. Or if I choose to goof off and do nothing, I should be HAPPILY doing nothing.
The end of the month is near, and I promised my friend AK that I will email her each week chapter(s) of my book, so she will have the entire book by the year end. Let me start on preparing that now. And I will try not to treat it like a task, like I treat almost everything else in my life. I must remember that it was I who wanted to do this, and it will be fun. I’m picturing my friend cleaning out her land with a big smile on her face. And I will be just like her, very soon.