Monday morning note

I woke up this morning with a clear mind and a cheerful mood, even though I would have a long and busy day ahead. These days I would usually wake up with a low spirit, possibly due to the shame of not being productive in the previous day or days. Often times, it would take me a couple of hours to correct my mood and I would end up having a decent day. So I wondered that whether my mood this morning was caused by a good night sleep or something else. The sleep last night was ok, so it must be something else.

Could it be that I feel better now because I have a short-term goal? So I no longer feel like a boat without oars in a vast ocean?

Could it be that hubby finally returned home, and that I feel more anchored?

Could it be that the people I will be seeing and working with today are all the ones I like and I feel a sense of community or at least non-isolation?

Or could it simply be that I had closed a small deal and could get my boss off my back for a little while longer?

Regardless of the reasons, I cherish this moment. My defense system is low in the morning so that I am subjected to a melancholy mood often. But that means that particular state of mind is the most natural one to me. I don’t want that. Not at all. I want my base mood to be happy, or at the very least, even keeled.

I prepared some bright smiles, and ready to say: “Good Morning!”

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try it on

CIMG0031I was very happy yesterday morning during the carpooling to work, as happy as I was on the outrigger canoe in Hawaii.  Hey, if one was to feel true happiness a couple of times a month, life isn’t too bad at all, is it?

My happy feelings came at a time when physically I was having a lot of discomforts due to first my neck pains, as my head fell off the pillow the night before, and then due to my severe lack of sleep, as I slept at 3 am again and had to get up at 7 for morning meetings. The external factor was not great either. It was a dark and gloomy morning in this normally sunny southern California.

But there I was, feeling a strong sense of happiness regardless.  The ever-wise J.J. suggested one time to me to try on an idea and see how it feels, like trying on a dress in a department store before buying it. I didn’t know that was exactly what I was doing. We were chatting somewhat aimlessly and somehow I envisaged a quiet life by the coast.  I could even smell the fresh sea air, feel the light ocean breeze on my skin and hear the sound of wave crashing at night outside of our bedroom windows. I saw a life where I could paint, write and do yoga every day.  A life where I could listen to music on the cliff by the sea or walk the coastline miles at a time.  When I tried that idea on, my heart started to open up and sing. That is what I really want, isn’t it?