seeing rainbows

I don’t know what to call it, that annoying dark one inside me. Alter ego? Or anti- happy? The One Who Shall Not Be Named is there. I try to ignore it, but in the morning hours when I first awake and my defenses is low, it more prominently shows up in my heart and gives the heart an unwanted shade.

Yesterday morning was the first morning of this Hawaii trip, and I looked forward to the yoga practice as we were staying at a “retreat”. But I was bothered by the dark one and was in a bad mood.

When we got to the yoga place, it was packed. The instructor moved us outside to the lawn. I complained out aloud, as the grass was still wet under the morning dew.

The instructor led us into a prayer:

As we look back, we see gratitude
As we look ahead, we see vision
As we look up, we see strength
And as we look inside, we see peace.

I looked inside, there was no peace.

As we were moving our bodies through different yoga poses, the wind blew, the sun came out and went back in, the heavy mist fell on us, then it was the rain, and rain and sun came at the same time, and the sun stayed alone. Our fragile human bodies, with small tolerance for temperature change, took in these nature’s gifts one at a time.

Each time the sky was clear, there was a large rainbow presenting itself across the horizon covering half of the sky. It was majestic. It was shockingly amazing.

And I, my heart, finally calmed down and found momentary peace.


diamond crested sky

The flight to Hawaii was 6 hours.  There was a few pleasant and unpleasant incidents during the day, but nothing to write home about.  I was reasonably happy because I was in Hawaii.  One should feel happy in Hawaii, that’s just the ubiquitous belief.  But I wasn’t overjoyed because the mind was still stuck in California and the body was fairly tired due to lack of sleep.

But when I came back from dinner, one look at the sky changed everything.  The sky was dark and deep with shining stars like sprinkling of diamonds, so bright, so large and so close to me.  My heart was finally calm and I started to enjoy Hawaii.

With the window open and the ceiling fan on, I fell deep into oblivion.  The place was so quiet, that slight noise could be heard clearly in the soundless night.  There was no phone or TV on the premises, no air conditioner or other noisy electronics, however, there was a mini fridge in the room.  And that fridge became the biggest annoyance as it periodically started itself up to keep cool.  I seriously considered unplugging it during the night.  To be honest, it wasn’t a loud mini fridge.  It’s just under the otherwise quiescent environment, even a small sound stood out like thunder.

What did I learn from this? That is, one must be able to give up something to get something.   It is not possible to have everything at the same time, such as absolute quietness and modern convenience.  We can try to reduce the effect, such as to develop a soundless mini fridge in the future, but that’s not the point.  The base line expectation has to be low and realistic.  If we expect to give up certain things in order to achieve our destiny, we won’t feel deprived when we don’t get everything we desired.  And if we are lucky enough to get everything we desired, then what a wonderful life.

Author’s note: The utmost desire of yours truly for this blog is to write prolifically and therefore honing my writing skills through vigorous practices.  By the way, I really like the font of the notepad on iPad and believe it will be a motivating factor for me to write more.  There are, however, two burning questions as to the content. 1) Do I limit my writings to the inspirations or events happened the day before? and 2) Do I limit the topics to only “finding one’s passion and motivation”?  As you can see, these two questions are related.  Market commentators always do both, i.e. timely and restricted to the relevant topic.  But there are thousands of new information each day in the financial market for the writers to pick and choose, and quite limited in yours truly’s daily life.  It seems that I have to choose either being current, in which case this blog will simply be a public diary with no theme, or being boring, as some days I might have nothing clever to say about finding passion or motivation, but not choosing both.  Well, this is a topic to ponder in the future, as the blog is simply to new to change directions.