updating plans

It took me awhile, but I think I’m finally back. Back from where? Back from the outer space to the solid ground of course. There were times that I simply couldn’t plan, couldn’t do anything, living in this mental haze. But then it would suddenly be over and my life would be back to normal again. Would I be going back to the cloud again soon? I have no idea. It has always been a recurring theme in the past, so I have no reason to believe it wouldn’t happen anymore. I should use this period of lucidity to get things done, maybe make some plans, even just to see them fall apart later on.

In this new plan, I would give myself more time for everything. I found that I would do things hurriedly, for no particular reason. For example, I was rushing myself to get out of the house to go to work this morning, even though I have no early meeting scheduled. This was due to the fact that I normally could get ready in half an hour, and when the time was up, my internal clock’s alarm was set off, and I started rushing. If I allocate one hour for getting ready, instead of feeling short of time, I would feel that I have too much time at hand. Maybe I would make myself some coffee, and watch some news on TV or read some blogs!

I have committed to send one chapter of the book each week to my friend A.K. on Sunday mornings. And the first Sunday is coming up. I’m excited about having the very first reader of my book. Some part of me wanted to share with a wider audience, but the other parts of me knew that I might go to the outer space again sometime between now and the year-end. So let’s see how it goes first, before I make more commitments.

Here are the 3 goals I’m tracking against:

– send chapter(s) of the novel to A.K. each Sunday morning, finish the book by the end of this year.

– workout 3 times a week, doctor’s order!

– learn enough photoshop to modify a photo from last Saturday. It was a great picture of me, but not the best picture of hubby. I think it would be a fun exercise to replace hubby in the picture with the image of Michelangelo’s David, no?

first posted on 5/15/13 10:10 pm


new resolve

IMG_2181-001This morning I was still wide awake at 1 am, when I checked my email and saw an exuberant and long note from a friend. She had bought a rural property in March, and was in high spirits about working on cleaning up the land, learning the agriculture codes and renovating the various sized cottages. What struck me most was the tone of her email. She seemed SO happy, and her happiness and love for life seemed to jump out of the screen. It was infectious. I felt happy and exuberant too for a moment. But I was also ashamed. For I have been in this gloomy mood lately. The point is – I have the free will to be happy, as happy as my friend working in her new farm. I have allowed myself to give up, to pity myself and to find excuses, so I could continue to stay melancholy. I should feel happy by working on my painting or my novel. Or if I choose to goof off and do nothing, I should be HAPPILY doing nothing.

The end of the month is near, and I promised my friend AK that I will email her each week chapter(s) of my book, so she will have the entire book by the year end. Let me start on preparing that now. And I will try not to treat it like a task, like I treat almost everything else in my life. I must remember that it was I who wanted to do this, and it will be fun. I’m picturing my friend cleaning out her land with a big smile on her face. And I will be just like her, very soon.

to plan is to hope

While people may think that I have too many ideas, too many new plans, emphasize too much on painting a picture of where I want to be in the future, and not enough on execution in the present, I cherish every moment of planning. To plan is to hope. Do you have days and weeks that you are too busy with life’s daily demands that you don’t have time to think about planning at all? Conversely, do you have days and weeks that you are too unmotivated or depressed that you simply do not want to do or plan anything? I have both those days, alternating and frequent. Therefore, the days I plan are the days I’m not living in either extremes, and where my outlooks of the future are bright, and my perceptions of self are optimistic.

Yesterday was one of those days. And now I have a new plan for the rest of March. It is aggressive, but if I achieve 50% of the plan, I would still be better off than now. If you make a plan, be sure it is grandiose!

My March plan does not include trip planning to China, where I set to leave in 4 days. A year and half ago, I went on a trip where I did a lot of walking, sometimes 7, 8, 11 miles a day, and I was able to lose some weight. It all came back of course, creating not a V shape but a check-mark on the weight chart.  I hope I will do a lot of walking in China and reverse the weight trend…